I’ll stand on the corner and wait
Counting back on the days
I put out my cigarette haze
Wild-eyed and untamed
I’ll hang off your every word
Even silence won’t hurt
Stepping over the lines that we blurred
Is it wrong for me to say?
You mean it to me
You mean it to me
& Honey I’ve tried
But these bones have grown weary and tired
Of chasing your sky
Closed eyes to the smoke
Sipping white lies until we choke
Lost in old stories we once wrote
Is it wrong for me to stay?
You mean it to me
You mean it to me
& Honey I’ve tried
But these bones have grown weary and tired
Of chasing your sky
You mean it to me
You mean it to me
& maybe I’ve lied
But this weight isn’t yours to bare this time
Maybe you’re right
Maybe all the ropes we tied are broken,
And there may come a day when my love will fade
But loneliness was often left unspoken to the very last minute,
Is it wrong for me to wait?
A virgin moon on a tungsten prairie highway,
Driving hand in hand on our way to a familiar place
But a virgin moon can’t candle a flame to your existence
Darling live to see another day
This song wrecks me for many reasons. Firstly, the lyrics are heartbreaking when you read them all laid out. So much exhaustion is painted into each line reflecting the never-ending fight that goes into waiting for someone to change and grow out of their harmful tendencies. Second, this song is one of those songs that predicted the future… As this song was being written and recorded, I had no idea what it was about. The lyrics came out of many late hours jamming at the studio and fell into place telling a story I wasn’t familiar with yet.
Let’s back up. “Virgin Moon” is the final song on an album I co-wrote and recorded in 2020 with an old friend. We had just come back from a ridiculous cabin trip with friends, both of us were freshly wounded from recent heartaches and we decided that we would start a project and write an album. COVID was still rampant and we were all restricted to our little bubbles of people, as a self-employed musician and music teacher, my schedule was wide open. We hopped right into a week of staying at our producer’s house, devoting every hour to creating this debut project and “Dying Days” poured out of us. This album was largely inspired by the works of Wings and the songs surrounded the themes of love, friendship, loss and grief.
The duo named ‘Dear Friend’ was a fast-flame that burned very bright, charged with our own personal mental health issues, histories of trauma and bonds created over substances. We shouldn’t have been surprised in its inevitably difficult ending and 11 months after we put this EP into the world, we laid ‘Dear Friend’ down to rest and went our separate ways.
As I’ve gotten older and have done my best to own the healing I’ve needed from past trauma and pain, I’m able to hold a kinder lens for the mess that became of this project. I’ve been involved in the music industry in different capacities since I was 14 and took my first gig playing bass for a Calgarian songwriter to being hired to perform in many venues, coffee shops, bars, theatres, festivals and playing in different bands and on various records. I love and long for the community aspect of this industry and have felt very seen and heard over the years by other artists and musicians. I have also witnessed the epidemic of addiction and loneliness that plagues this industry and how it can infect wonderful kind-hearted individuals with narcissistic, harmful tendencies. As I have become disillusioned with the bright and shiny promises of the music industry, I can see patterns of abuse that run rampant in and around the scene and have heard stories about how, unfortunately, it’s not unique to the communities I’ve been a part of.
Holding space for the recognition of pain and trauma and the ways it changes a person needs to be congruent with accountability. We are all responsible for the hurt we inflict on others, especially if it comes from unhealed wounds that have festered into excuses. This lesson is a lesson that I have had to learn time and time again and finally hit home after the ending of this incredible project that had so much potential and passion wrapped up in it. Unfortunately, my partner in this project was wrapped up in some damaging activities that began impacting the community we were part of so I had to walk away.
I believe very deeply in the path to reconciliation but I also strongly agree with calling people out on their bullshit, especially when it hurts those around them. We cannot use someone’s painful past to justify their harmful present actions.
Now, four years later, I listen to this song with a mixture of sadness for lost potential and love for what that fast flame brought out of our artist selves. I’m grateful that this time album can exist as a little time capsule and if you listen to the full EP, you’ll hear every song leading up to this celebrated in the reprise of Virgin Moon.
To growing and learning to appreciate the mess we create along the way!
Cheers,
xoxo A